she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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