He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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