Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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