We named our party play list daddy issues
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ladies don't puke and tell
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
