community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
