Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
