He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
