are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
