Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
