How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
