When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
