Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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