It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
