Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
