Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
