Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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