Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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