uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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