Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
