ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
