You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
