Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
