she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
