I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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