The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
