Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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