Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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