I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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