If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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