love makes seman taste better
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
