Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
