During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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