What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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