Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize