woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
