If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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