Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize