i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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