remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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