I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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