so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
