I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
