can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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