Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
