Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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