Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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