I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
