Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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