Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
