Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
