"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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