so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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