Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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