Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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