I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
