If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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