i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
