just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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