I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You ruined the universe
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
