I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
