I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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