eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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