In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
