hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
