i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
