Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
