Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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