Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
