apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize