I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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