Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
