She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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