you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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