Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
bring money and cleavage
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
