dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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