She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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