My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
