so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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