I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
